


Adulterate

by anothermiracle



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 06:23:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3757762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothermiracle/pseuds/anothermiracle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>adulterate</em><br/>verb<br/>əˈdʌltəreɪt/</p><p> </p><p>  <em>to render (something) poorer in quality by adding another substance.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Adulterate

She’s been watching you lately, you notice that much at least.

 

It doesn’t bother you, really. It’s just a little strange, slightly unnerving – _a little flattering, but let’s not go there._ You’re allowed to be curious about it, you think, as she walks by and glances at you from the corner of her eye. When you do catch her staring though, she immediately turns away, flustered. 

 

It’s… cute. There’s really no way else you can put it. It tugs at your heartstrings in all the right places, and makes your chest warm, like honey. It makes you want to reach out to her, or pull her to the side and kiss her senseless, telling her repeatedly that _Yes, Yes I feel the same way_ and see her sigh in relief and smile at you.

But you hold yourself back. 

 

She doesn’t need these feelings of yours right now. Now, she needs to focus on her cause. She can’t afford to be distracted, not this princess with her fiery, straightforward gaze. You cannot, _will not_ be a distraction. 

 

Besides, Soo-Won still resides in her somewhere. You’ve seen it in her eyes when your crew had crossed paths with him. Granted, he still exists in you and some part of you can’t fathom the hand in Yona’s to be anyone else’s but his. Sometimes, when Jae-Ha or any of other male touches Yona, you wonder whether you’re defending whatever imaginary claim on her, or protecting the remains of what Soo-Won and Yona had back at Hiryuu Castle. The latter rears its head more often than you’d like, and at the most opportune moments. It’s what stops you from taking that one step closer to the princess, from closing that extra inch between you and her, from making that final move to silence your desires once and for all.

 

She doesn’t know, of course.

 

So when she wraps her arms around you and holds you close, face red and eyes shut tight, you’re frozen. It’s territory that you’ve never treaded in, completely unforeseen. And you panic.

 

You can’t hug her back, _you can’t._ It’ll feel like betrayal – to Yona’s feelings, to the memories, to every single thing you’d believed in back at the castle. It had been no different any other time you’d lost control around her, when her affection had overridden your carefully sealed emotions. And you will not make the same mistake this time.

 

But she looks up at you with eyes of pity and _something else,_ and you can’t help your hands maneuvering toward her tiny waist. She cups your face, her amerthyst orbs searching. Your jaw goes slack as you try to vocalize your dilemma to her but fail because she’s _so bright so bright_ in your arms and her fingers are soft against your cheek and she’s leaning in-

 

Her lips press against yours like a whisper, a prayer, and your heart aches. She looks at you, red dusting her cheekbones, and red framing her face. A small smile tugs at her mouth, and you’re enraptured. You so desperately want to be _happy,_ but it still feels _wrong._

 

Instead, you return a sad smile, and hers gradually falls as well. She doesn’t say anything but looks at the floor. You wonder if she’s crying. You tug her to you, a moment of indulgence, and breathe in her scent. Her hands find her way around you once more and you stand there – loving her and hating yourself. 

 

She trembles in your arms, beautiful in her weakness, and you… You remain ugly in your eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> _Follow me: another-miracle.tumblr.com_


End file.
